become begun to wonder if the pain in my head is related to my brain cells dying. Am I feeling the neuroscientific changes as it happens? That’s a scary thought: to feel the pain of the tangles stopping my neurons from working in real time. Okay that’s only my fantastical ideas and probably not what’s happening but it feels like it. Today my memory is worse, I cannot remember my passwords to anything, which is bad news when it is your ??? (can’t think of the word…) = security system! Yes, I have passwords written down but it doesn’t stop me getting confused as to what they are and whether I have since changed them and not updated them in my shiny purple and gold little book.
It could of course be fibro-fog when the pain gets worse then your ‘head’ gets ‘foggy’ – excellent choice of word for it.
Good news though.. saw my Dr yesterday and she advised me that if I am being treated by a hospital outside of my area I should be able to stay with them…I shall phone SP and let him know that I do not wish to end my treatment there. We think that he may not be aware that I have been told I am not in the area and cannot continue there.
So that is the goal for next week: try to remember to phone SP at the hospital.
Right now I am forcing myself to put words down because I am struggling. I was looking at a blog which I feel is good called “Refined Quotes” (http://quotily.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/l-wittgenstein-philosophical-investigations/) which provoked replies about language. The more I read the more I felt that none could feel the experience of language inside themselves. To quote globally on the nature of language is to look at and think about the experience outside of their own use of language. To me, I feel that I am experiencing language from the inside, struggling to make sense of instructions and how that shows a confused face of me. Language has not left me but has become more important as I notice the demise of tiny parts of language that become dysfunctional in my brain. Language is communicating who you are, if you no longer have language do you fail to be you? No because communication is much more than language, who you are is much more than language or communication, so why do I feel that the more I forget and the less words I have, parts of me slip away?