There are days when I notice my Alzheimer’s seems to be a bit worse and try to remember to record it for my Alzheimer’s Journey.
So, I will get an apology out the way first – sorry if my grammar and punctuation is all over the place but today my brain cells have gone on strike.
Cats woke us up extremely early at 6.30am – little darlings (smiling through clenched teeth :))) ), and I settled in my chair with my coffee to start reading a new book.
Right from the start I found I couldn’t understand the sentence because those pesky little tadpole commas seemed to be in the wrong place. I read the first paragraph again slowly but it really did not make much difference. As you know a comma in the incorrect place can put a totally different meaning on sentence but today for me, every comma seems incorrect.
As I write now I am having great difficulty in knowing if I am putting commas in the correct place and it has suddenly become a real issue. I have no idea why I am stressing about it so much because if I stop maybe the fear of commas will just fade away again!
I am also misspelling words more frequently. Being a touch typist I have no mental idea where my fingers are on the keyboard; I think and they transfer my thoughts by themselves. If I had to think about where the keys are or how to form words I would fail to write anything. Lately what I think is not what my fingers are typing, how can that be? It is as if the diseased part of my brain has taken on an identity of its own, one which may be a little dyslexic and mischievous. I can see words forming on the page that I have not even thought about and not even Freudian slips, but words that are incongruous.
I think sometimes that my macbook changes the words as I type and I fail to notice it which leads me on to how I read.
I am finding it really hard to read what I have written and with short term memory problems I usually have no idea what I have written minutes after writing it, so if it gets mixed up on the page I wouldn’t necessarily remember what I was trying to say. When I am reading it back I am constantly questioning my grammar and punctuation but often than not I have no idea any more if it is correct.
I gave up trying to read my book earlier and thought I would surf the net. I will read my own blogs from time to time because I don’t always remember what I have written and have a need to check that I have not made any major gaffs. So, I looked at my latest book review – Broken Monsters, and was horrified to see that it was all over the place with spelling mistakes. I am sure I proof read it before I posted it but guess now that I cannot trust my own ability to do so, which is why I go back and re-read it the day after.
It makes me feel so embarrassed to make these mistakes for all to see because it somehow makes me less literate than I used to be (was I ever that literate!).
Dementia is such an insidious disease which is less understood than it should be. As you can see I am not in the middle or later stages, but at an early stage so I am very aware of these small changes which I cannot do anything about.
Do you judge a blog by its grammar and punctuation? I used to but now I understand that it is what people are struggling to say that is more important, but are people less likely to read a blog that has grammatical errors in even if the content is interesting?