Do not smile with pity in your eyes

Do not smile at me with pity in your eyes
because then I see an empty heart
Do not write with sadness in your tone
I can still feel every word you write
Or speak in a way that simplifies your voice
in case somehow I have lost my intelligence

When you think of me look at who I am
not who I was when we bounced against each other
Remember the times we had being creative
laughing and talking till all hours
Tthrowing our dreams in the air hoping
to catch them when they floated close enough

Listen when I speak to you because I am still here
I can still feel the same when you discuss a thought
I can still laugh and throw ideas your way
You may see a few cracks but don’t dwell on them
enjoy what I still have and am inside
Understand what I have to say is important
worth a serious listen and response
as you would anyone else in conversation

Think of me with the love of the friendship
we have embraced before, secrets we shared
happy days, the troubled times we put to rest
Now bring that to our communication
A knowing smile, words special to just us
Remember my personality and understand me
Its still lurking in me waiting to peek out
and surprise you.

How do you reach someone who appears a shell?

Speak to me with music that I listened to
being collected on my iPod ready for use,
Speak to me with photographs that I have taken
perhaps seemingly random but
those decaying buildings held sway for me once.
Read to me: poetry, a crime novel, no romance please
George Elliot; my favourite classical author

Know me, that I am not a stereotype
When touch is important, know that I HATE it
Unless I have a manicure or pedicure
Know me in dyspraxia and dementia

Brush my hair I love that feeling
Give me my 18” of personal space
know me that I needed that once

Know me that I love all things alternative
and that my sense of humour may be dark

It matters not
that you may not see these things in me
But know that is what shaped
my personality to the person I became
And to each of you, dear friends
I showed you a side that remained yours alone

So
Do not smile with pity in your eyes
Let me see instead, love, understanding
or a wonderful wickedness of a life enjoyed

Author: Gill

I read books and review them. Books are my escape. I have always loved books. I write a blog, I get involved where and when I can in things I feel that are important. I also have Alzheimer's Disease but it does not define who I am. I am in the early stages so you may not notice. So, I will tell you how it is.

16 thoughts on “Do not smile with pity in your eyes”

  1. Wonderful dearest Gill, I shall save your poetry and indeed, remember you as I always have, with all the memories of when our children were young and we cooked, laughed and watched films together. I shall always remember you with fondness as one of the few close to my heart. ❀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My memories of our days together are precious to me too Karen. It only seems a short time ago since we spent such wonderful times together. x

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  2. This is so beautiful and well-written. I wish I had been your friend with special secrets between us. I have bipolar and anxiety. I take a medication, which has a possible side effect of dementia. But I need this medication to live now. I am 38 years old. I think a lot about what you wrote in terms of my own possible future. You have expressed the feeling so much better than I ever could.

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    1. Thank you Karina. I am sorry to have not met you in person because your writing shows someone with a personality and character that I would have enjoyed being with.

      I understand how you feel (with my poem), and hope that you can feel the friendship and support from those of us who will be reading your blog.

      I think you have much to say to the world and your writing tone is such a delight to read, and I look forward to sharing your thoughts with you.

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    1. Thank you Duncan, there is a lot of misconception about living with dementia and whilst it helps me to write about it, I hope it helps others to understand the complexity of it.

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    1. Thank you. I am finding that poetry is a way to speak about how I feel without struggling to find a way of doing so. At present they are ideas for my future, when I can no longer say them, but with the diagnosis sometimes comes changes in how people see you. πŸ™‚

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