I consider myself to be high functioning with my Alzheimer’s. In fact some days I can almost feel like there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I’m ok. No problem. Maybe the diagnosis is wrong after all. Maybe I will continue being ok forever. Yeah!
Then something happens and it throws me.
Yesterday, I went out. It was 1:30pm and we went to a marina and I spent a little bit of time alone browsing in the shops. In the handbag shop I chatted to the assistant about Radley bags, Kipling bags, and I bought a new slimline Kipling purse for my small bag. I walked around another shop full of pale goods that have no function other than to look pale and interesting. All very nice, all very expensive.
Next was another marina, I went into the shop and bought chocolate, and then sat on the bench outside to wait and watch the world go by. On to shopping to get some provisions in. We walked round the town, into the mall, around some shops, and on to the supermarket. My fibromyalgia was flaring up, my body was/is screaming with pain, have done some brass polishing on my boat previously. But, these things have to be done!
We got home at 6:10pm. I hurt like hell and could barely move. Took my coat off, dumped shopping in the kitchen, and bent down to take my boots off…………….
HOW IN THE WORLD DID I MANAGE NOT TO NOTICE THAT!!!
My first reaction was to laugh hysterically. Well who wouldn’t. Then, reality set in. Fear of not being able to dress properly. Ok this was not the worst thing in the world but it has ‘rocked my boat’ a bit.
Handbagwarrior; verbal ramblings 
It may not be the dementia – I went for a job interview once and when I stood up to leave noticed I had unmatched shoes on.
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Stress can do that! Thing is these boots are not really the same size, the big boot I have to wear 2 pairs of socks with. I fleeting thought it felt loose.
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I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, Gill.
It must be weird being in neither world – the 100% healthy nor the 100% Dementia. Sorry to hear your FM flared too. It’s no fun feeling good and doing lots of things you enjoy and then facing the reality (of your declining health condition).
I used to do too much and then suffer the repercussions, and the worst of it is that no matter how hard you try to get on with life, these little ‘hiccoughs’ come round to smack you in the face and remind you of your reality.
I suggest you watch a funny movie and get those laughing muscles happening (or whatever you enjoy).
Every time I get stressed, (not often these days), I put on my favourite calm/peaceful Buddhist DVD and allow it to send me off to a time and place where nothing matters and I can just ‘Be’ in the Moment and enjoy the documentary as it unfolds.
I hope you can still laugh about the oddly matched boots 😀 .
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You should laugh Vicki. I have chosen to laugh at it! I love your suggestion of watching something funny. Today, I am sitting watching my favourite catch up programmes (Tiny Homes – just love anything to do with tiny houses!). And I am doing absolutely nothing else but resting. Oh yes I think I did too much but had no choice, I needed to clear my boat and polish it till shiny for some photographs.
So today its my headphones on with watching programs, and then some of my favourite music with a book 🙂
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I just love that you went out in spite of it all for one. I’m glad you had a good time. I am also glad you were able to get done what you needed, the boat shining as well as shopping needs. Sorry for the flare they do tend to dislike our daily chores. What I loved most is when you returned home and found those mismatched boots you found your funny bone first! Hugs Thank You so much for sharing your truth and allowing us all to share in your laughter what a gift. Priceless and very much needed ;~)
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Thank you. Thankfully I am an obsessively organised person, so this will be another thing for my list of checking – boots match? – yes. I still manage to forget things even with my organisation, but I am sure it will help me for longer. 🙂
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I have gone the whole day – at work as well! – with my shirt inside out and didn’t notice.
Or, rather more embarrassingly, in the office toilets once undid my top shirt buttons to give myself a burst of deodorant spray, and walked back onto the office floor with my bra on show!
Thankfully it was a nice bra 🙂
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lol I have done that too. Funny how nobody ever tells you! My ex husband once phoned me to say he had taken his jacket off because he was hot in the office, only to find I had missed ironing one very creased arm of his smart shirt!! (It did teach him how to iron, so not a bad thing;) )
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What strikes me is that even in this instance, the boundaries are unclear–was this Alzheimer’s or just the kind of dressing screw up all of us women have from time to time. As always, I love your ability to laugh, articulate, and go on…..
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The boundaries of whether behaviour is dementia or ‘inattentive’ dressing is personal to each person. If someone who is living with dementia and wears different shoes for a whole day and not notices and has never done it before, I would say there may be a problem with that. Someone without any cognitive diagnosis wearing odd shoes more than once perhaps it is because they are stressed, or their appearance is not the most important thing to them and they were inattentive when dressing. In this case my boundaries were smashed because it is not something I would normally do.
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t admitted to having a cognitive problem (temporary or permanent) who has ever worn two odd boots for 5 hours without noticing. It is a funny thing to do, and gladly not important at present.
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This fascinates me because you are able to differentiate in a way my husband, whose case condition is generally mild by most standards, cannot. Or perhaps he chooses not to. In some ways it must be harder for you. Then again, as well as I think I know him, I cannot know what he is really feeling. So your description of a small moment generates a lot of thought.
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I have a degree in Psychology, and a Counselling qualification, and I think that makes a difference. I understand the cognitive changes and differences. I also think that I choose to speak about my awareness. Acknowledging changes can be too difficult for some, and then in others, they may not actually be aware of the changes however small, as part of the disease itself. Have you asked him specific questions about what he is feeling?
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My Dad had Alzheimers too, and I remember him doing the exact same thing – two different shoes. There must be something in the brain that doesn’t see equality between the two sides. One day while grooming I shaved my legs – only I later noticed I had only shaved one leg. You keep that positive outlook , and you will be fine. You’re one smart and brave lady.
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Ha ha Paulan, one shaved leg is probably not a good look! 🙂
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