Christmas melt down….

It started before Christmas, the migraine.   Day after day I was waking up feeling …grim.   Not gone, I said to myself every morning and continued my day feeling like poo.   My head was hurting, my vision pretty ropey, my stomach was churning and churning and churning…I felt ill.  Day 4 and I knew this was not going to go away soon.   So plan A is to stay quiet, doing quiet relaxing things and hope the bloody thing goes away.  Nope so plan B comes into force, go out, pretend I have no migraine and be active.

It sort of works at the same time as not working.   What the hell is going on?  What is this about?  Oh, of course it’s Christmas…..


Can’t go shopping, don’t feel well enough.  The very thought of writing Christmas Cards, buying presents send me running to the bathroom to be sick.

I don’t understand this new development in my life, this non ability to cope with the stress of things.  Is this new?  I am not sure, I think I have always internalised some stress at these times but I don’t think I ever had such meltdowns.   This year I felt so ill at first I stayed in and never left my flat.  My friend and neighbour knocked my door to see if I was okay.  My pale faced self reassured her that I was just suffering with migraine and retreated.   Then my YPWD (Young Persons with Dementia) Group went out for a Christmas lunch at one of the garden centres.  They took one look at me as I got in the car and checked that I was well enough to go!  Of course I am, I said, don’t you worry I am looking forward to it.    I went I took my own food – just in case they could not provide me with gluten, dairy and potato free meals, which most aren’t able to here in the UK by the way.  It was working I was feeling slightly better, then my IBS kicked in and spent the next 20 minutes in the toilet whilst everyone else was enjoying wandering around the shop.  I emerged with even a whiter face than I had started with and must have looked dreadful because one person kindly took my bags off me to carry.  Bless me!!   Okay I admit to feeling quite poorly by then with the mother of all heads, a neck so stiff I felt it could break if I moved too quickly, and a belly that was so sore and feeling very nauseous.

When I was at my daughter’s, after travelling to London with the heaviest case in the universe (why did I buy heavy things for her?) I found myself treading on things on her floor…..I can now say it is official that my feet are no longer communicating to my brain.    I managed to step in the cats bowl….watch where you are walking…I can’t help it….Yes you can….No – I can’t!   Really I realise that I am bordering on shuffling at times, I have no idea how to negotiate narrow places, uneven pavements etc without falling over.  My balance is quite rubbish these days.  I don’t seem to know where my feet are in relation to where I am walking.  Hell I feel so ‘old’ these days, without being old.   (I must tell you that my daughter is having her own struggles right now being a year into living with CFS-Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is getting worse.  Similar to Fibromyalgia with the pain, but probably much more exhaustion.  It means this year she is having to come to terms with a life change at the age of 30.  So she is allowed to be grumpy at the moment).

Probably doesn’t help that I have Fibromyalgia and this is a really big part of my life because living with constant pain and times when I am exhausted doesn’t help.  My balance isn’t helped by the fact that my feet hurt, my knees scream, and my muscles don’t seem to work without the pain of ripping.

Back to Christmas.  For some reason I can’t quite fathom is now presenting me with a melt down situation.    Next year we may go away and have it all done for us.






Author: Gill

I photograph things that take my eye.

11 thoughts on “Christmas melt down….”

  1. Having someone do it all for you at Christmas sounds like a brilliant plan. Or, if you can, go away somewhere sunny and forget about it. I hope you are feeling less stressed now and the migraine has receded. Wishing you all the best in 2017.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry to hear about your difficulties, especially the migraine. Having experienced much of what you describe (which I put down to nerve damage from my spinal surgery & beyond) as my feet and hands do not do what my brain tells them.

    And I really think you courageous in attempting to socialise with your friends in such a debilitated state. I gave up Christmas & New Year’s socialising years ago and I don’t have early onset Alzheimers. (well, I keep hoping I don’t and that is not meant to be funny, as I keep getting confused or forgetting everyday things).

    I keep knocking my glass of water over, as my hands can’t seem to negotiate around the book in front of me, to pick the glass up. So now I put water in the glass or drink half and throw the rest down the sink as I’m fed up with grabbing cloths or tea towels to mop up my spills. I even pushed the bucket of water over when washing the kitchen floor and had to race for many towels to soak up the water before it reached the lounge carpet. So my balance, while in no way is caused by your health condition, (except we both have FM), is sort of what you may be experiencing.

    I do so hope your migraine is improved when you read this comment. If not, stay home, rest, close the curtains and blinds a little (or a lot) and try to relax until this episode passes. Even when a migraine is over, I always think it takes all your energy and you need a further 3-4 days to get back to normal (or whatever is normal for you at this time in your health journey).

    When you become isolated with chronic ill health or symptoms, its so easy to want companionship and a normal social life. To feel human. To feel loved and wanted. To feel valued as a contributing part of a social event. But sometimes you just have to ‘bite your tongue’ and give in to rest and solitude and hope the next morning you are improved enough to contemplate a New Year social outing.

    It’s hard to pace your day and plan with a limited ‘energy envelope’. You are lucky in having a circle of friends that recognises your pain and unwellness and takes your bags off you. I have to ask my brothers to slow down in their walking speed and pretend to hang on to my 90 year old fragile Father to help him, when it’s me that often needs the arm to hang on to when I tire, to help me.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Paulan: I am so sorry to hear about your physical and other dementia symptoms this time of year. Everyone expects everyone to be excited and happy, and that just isn’t the case for many people who are ill, or poor or otherwise unable to fully participate in the holiday events. I think you gave it a good try, and I’m glad you realize your limitations and yet are already making plans for a relaxing next Christmas year. Wishing you the best as always.

    Liked by 1 person

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