It started before Christmas, the migraine. Day after day I was waking up feeling …grim. Not gone, I said to myself every morning and continued my day feeling like poo. My head was hurting, my vision pretty ropey, my stomach was churning and churning and churning…I felt ill. Day 4 and I knew this was not going to go away soon. So plan A is to stay quiet, doing quiet relaxing things and hope the bloody thing goes away. Nope so plan B comes into force, go out, pretend I have no migraine and be active.
It sort of works at the same time as not working. What the hell is going on? What is this about? Oh, of course it’s Christmas…..
Can’t go shopping, don’t feel well enough. The very thought of writing Christmas Cards, buying presents send me running to the bathroom to be sick.
I don’t understand this new development in my life, this non ability to cope with the stress of things. Is this new? I am not sure, I think I have always internalised some stress at these times but I don’t think I ever had such meltdowns. This year I felt so ill at first I stayed in and never left my flat. My friend and neighbour knocked my door to see if I was okay. My pale faced self reassured her that I was just suffering with migraine and retreated. Then my YPWD (Young Persons with Dementia) Group went out for a Christmas lunch at one of the garden centres. They took one look at me as I got in the car and checked that I was well enough to go! Of course I am, I said, don’t you worry I am looking forward to it. I went I took my own food – just in case they could not provide me with gluten, dairy and potato free meals, which most aren’t able to here in the UK by the way. It was working I was feeling slightly better, then my IBS kicked in and spent the next 20 minutes in the toilet whilst everyone else was enjoying wandering around the shop. I emerged with even a whiter face than I had started with and must have looked dreadful because one person kindly took my bags off me to carry. Bless me!! Okay I admit to feeling quite poorly by then with the mother of all heads, a neck so stiff I felt it could break if I moved too quickly, and a belly that was so sore and feeling very nauseous.
When I was at my daughter’s, after travelling to London with the heaviest case in the universe (why did I buy heavy things for her?) I found myself treading on things on her floor…..I can now say it is official that my feet are no longer communicating to my brain. I managed to step in the cats bowl….watch where you are walking…I can’t help it….Yes you can….No – I can’t! Really I realise that I am bordering on shuffling at times, I have no idea how to negotiate narrow places, uneven pavements etc without falling over. My balance is quite rubbish these days. I don’t seem to know where my feet are in relation to where I am walking. Hell I feel so ‘old’ these days, without being old. (I must tell you that my daughter is having her own struggles right now being a year into living with CFS-Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is getting worse. Similar to Fibromyalgia with the pain, but probably much more exhaustion. It means this year she is having to come to terms with a life change at the age of 30. So she is allowed to be grumpy at the moment).
Probably doesn’t help that I have Fibromyalgia and this is a really big part of my life because living with constant pain and times when I am exhausted doesn’t help. My balance isn’t helped by the fact that my feet hurt, my knees scream, and my muscles don’t seem to work without the pain of ripping.
Back to Christmas. For some reason I can’t quite fathom is now presenting me with a melt down situation. Next year we may go away and have it all done for us.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, AND MAY 2017 BRING PEACE AND HARMONY TO US ALL. X