February 2018 – Handbagwarrior; verbal ramblings

I am in great need of cat cuddling this morning because I am falling into a black pit of despair. I cannot stop the tears leaking from my eyes so am smiling. Did you know smiling increases the ability to lift your spirits through….lets just say the effect of smiling has in the brain lifts moods. Is it working? Not really although I realise I look somewhat mad smiling through tears hold tight to my cat, who is loving it. She loves a good cuddle and her ‘motor’ is running on full right now – yes even whilst I am typing this, tucked under my arm her paws on my laptop.

This morning I am realising the enormity of my situation. No bathroom and I can’t find any practical help. The well meaning questions of have you contacted…such and such is not really helping. 15 years ago I wouldn’t be in this position, I would never have given my money over to a builder before they had at least done a good deal of work. But, having dementia means that your brain is seriously compromised. Just because I look and sound fine, well more than fine really, the hidden part of what dementia does to you is missed. Like how can you tell if someone is telling you the truth or not? How can you tell if what someone is saying is ‘joke’ and not meant to be taken seriously, how can you tell if someone is conning you or not? I can’t and it quite frankly terrifies the pants off me because you need these skills to make every day decisions.

So what I want is practical help. Someone who can do some hand-holding through what I need to do next. Someone who knows what to do and why it needs doing. People keep saying about how this organisation or that have given them practical help so I want to know ‘how did you get that help’? Here I am, no money, no bathroom and I cannot find anyone who does anything other than say you need to do this or phone this agency. Age UK don’t offer help apparently so they tell me, Citizens Advice Bureau offer advice, Alzheimer’s Society…don’t get me started on that one. So, what I need to know is WHO can give me some practical help of what to do?

Most of these charities, have now stopped giving practical help and have chosen to focus on advice. Well, advice to a single person who is trying to sort something out alone is absolutely worthless when they have dementia. What we need is someone to sit with us and ‘walk’ us through what to do, perhaps give some help on that, stage by stage. Give support, practical support. Someone to tell you “it’s okay we will sort it out”.

I hate dementia.

Going back to cuddling the cat.

Rant over.

Simons Cat does it best…. simons-cat-channel-frederator-network

..Turn the fan off..and…what next?

Okay, I have been hiding a bit of a trauma from you all. I moved, you know that. I have a lovely little bungalow that needs updating. Late November I got a quote from a builder to replace my back boiler from the fireplace with a new combi boiler siting it in the attic space. Rip out my bathroom and replace it with a shower and a vanity unit across the end wall. Along with some other things to do with the radiators, flooring, skirting boards etc.. Boiler replaced. Bathroom ripped out………………………………………………………….

They start 3rd December and I returned home on the 27th to find the brick sized tiles I requested for the shower now – 6″ x 8″. The shower tray the height of 19″, no problem because they will build a step up to it.

The end wall vanity unit now – a cloak room sized sink with a small cupboard underneath and a small toilet suitable for a cloakroom.

Then: No work, nothing. I have been conned. I am left with no money and no bathroom. Before you ask, of course I knew what I should and shouldn’t have done, but I have dementia, I live on my own and still make stupid and bad judgements. The builder tells me he is going into liquidation (with my money).

I cried for a whole day and night, then stopped because it doesn’t help me solve it. I feel so alone in trying to sort this out right now but I am not downhearted because it is not the end of the world really is it? The provision for support for people with dementia here in the North East of England is quite frankly non-existant, so there is no one for me to phone and say I just need some support through this.

So, I phoned the Citizens Advise Bureau Consumer Dept and they gave me advice in what to do next. I have sent a legal letter giving them 7 working days to complete my building works (I think that this is enough in the circumstances) which they have received. Next Wednesday I have to get some money together and start the process of taking them to Small Claims Court to get my money back or try to at least.

I have just had a quote to complete the shower so that I can wash properly which is reasonable at around £500 to include parts and labour. At the moment I haven’t quite got that so will be saving in the next month or so to get it done. The rest of the bathroom work will have to wait.

Dementia: When my Doctors tell me that it doesn’t really affect me much yet I will beg to differ. I believe that my judgement is very poor now. I have been thinking about this and wonder if it is to do with being unable to read peoples faces and voices, or negotiate in my mind whether the words people say to me add up or not. How do people make a judgement on whether to trust something or someone? I guess it can be a combination of things, including experience, how they look, or sound, that is greatly diminished for me these days. But, that doesn’t mean I will make the same mistake twice!!

For now, I have turned the fan off. I will deal with it day by day without worrying too much because right now there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it.