Well, I have had two scans of my head. One revealed that my frontal lobe is smaller than it should be..the second that my brain shows abnormalities…….diagnosis…..Alzheimer’s.
The worst diagnosis ever..the very thing I feared. I was hoping for just attention deficit..nothing more.
Turns out every time my mother hit my head (most days) it damaged my brain. She has vascular dementia and is away with the fairies now. No point in being angry of what she did to me, and my life that I could have had. Time to just live each day as if its my last, live each day and hope I remember it.
On Friday, I had an appointment with Jill the life coach. Work thinks it may get us all more productive to have sessions with a life coach. She is good and it has been very useful. For instance the first time we met I established that what I would like to work towards is to finish work in light of my poor memory. This time I actually worked out more about how my memory loss is affecting me and my work. When I talk I come across as very eloquent in my speech and it is hard for anyone to see at that moment in time that I may not remember the conversation.
When Jill asked me where I was at right now, I talked about seeing Elaine in Swadlincote for my feet, Dr Dulke in Leicester for my ‘head’ (he is the psychologist) and I have an appointment for my pains in Derby. I said I felt if I was all over the place, which echoed where my appointments are. I need to draw it all together to begin to feel whole/in control/have some direction where my life is going.
What she asked, could I do to that? Make that phone call to find out where the report is, the next appointment from the memory clinic and from the psychologist.
So what have I forgotten this week?
Every day I forget to phone my Dad, I mean to do it but forget. By the time the I remember it is too late in the day. I do that a lot, I know I have to do something but can’t remember to do it. Everyone says, ‘I do that’, and yes they may do, but not day after day.
Lets see what next week brings.
Here I am, 59 and have a problem with my memory. I have trouble remembering things. I have been thinking about what this means, right now, today and for tomorrow. What are the implications of forgetting conversations you had a day, or an hour ago.
We create our memories as we live day to day, lovely memories of our husbands, wives, children, friends and pets. But, what if we forget things on a daily basis and remain aware that we are doing just that without the knowledge of what we are forgetting? I don’t know why or what is happening and may feel less uneasy when I have more information.
Right now I will record some memories through writing and photographs for myself and my family.