November 2014 – Handbagwarrior; verbal ramblings

This is something I had not thought about before, but wow this is so relevant and overlooked. This is an excellent new blog by someone newly diagnosed with Alzheimers and well worth a look at – Which me am I today.

I just had to reblog this post because it is so so important.

I remember when I lived at home when I was 16-19 I NEVER stayed in any night. I would walk and walk, streets I had not walked down, the beach (such as it was), anywhere. Okay it was to get away from my mother, but no matter I loved walking, and wandering. I love wandering, being alone allows me to think, and enjoy what’s around me. Who knows when I am no longer able to explain this then it will be classed as ‘Dementia Wandering’ without reason.

Which me am I today?

Wander walking is something carers struggle to accept as a positive activity for those of us living with dementia. Why do people with dementia get labelled as ‘wander’ walkers when everyone else in society simply ‘walks’? Maybe someone out there could enlighten me.

I’ve spoken to many carers who quote this as being one of the most challenging and stressful symptoms of those with dementia – the person simply walks aimlessly at any time of day or night. Carers have to go searching and police can be involved as the safety of the person is often a cause for concern.

It must be very traumatic for those carers who have the continuing worry that this might happen. Drugs are often used to sedate those with dementia to stop them walking.

From the point of view of someone with dementia, I love walking. If anyone tried to stop me walking, no…

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Just been scrolling through and reading some posts of the people I follow, and some I haven’t met yet. I love reading travel blogs and seeing pictures, something interesting, not just blurb about the places that can be read in any travel brochure but personal experience.

Thing is, I seem to have a ‘compulsion’ to seek out personal experiences in remote places. I am not totally sure why this is, but I feel as if I am always searching for something, some truth or peace. Is this something new? No, I think I have been like this my whole life. I enjoy seeing the simplicity of people’s lives, and even though I know it is a hard existence I find myself imagining what it would be like to return to basics, to be filled with the simple pleasure of seeing the mountains/forests/rocks/grasslands around me.

I found a great site called Gypsy by trade and devoured their experiences feeling so envious. How wonderful to work and save for six months and then travel by bike around remote places. To meet the people they have met, seen such wonderful land around them.

Of course it is an absolutely ridiculous thing for me to feel envious of their lifestyle, I am too old, too decrepit and in pain with Fybromyalgia, and I have Alzheimer’s, but it doesn’t stop me dreaming.

Hope is a waking dream.

– Aristotle

I believe that my peace is without luxury, it is plain, natural, and honest. It is in silence in the midst of the roar of nature. I think if I were remotely religious I would be a Quaker. I once attended a course on debt at the Quakers House in Leicester and remember the feelings of peace being there with the simple style of plain wooden furniture and the calm of the gardens.

I feel sometimes as if my life has fallen through the holes of sieve. The excitement of my youth with dreams and plans trickled through with lack of confidence to live, fell through first…

Now; I feel a contentment in myself, I am terrified for my future with Alzheimer’s because there is nothing I can do to change it, but right now I am comfortable with who I am, and how I am. I have the peace of being on water, waking up to the birds each morning, and most days no industrial noises. Only when the wind blows one way does the traffic intrude.

However, that yearn for travel is still with me, searching for the love of experiencing other places. I love the excitement of getting on a plane and landing somewhere I have never been. Early this year it was Budapest, a wonderful place, and memories with my daughter. We drank in the architecture, the history and culture. We walked and walked finding enjoying the different areas.

Our next adventure will be to Alaska, my dream place to be. Our once in a lifetime holiday whilst my mental abilities are still good. I am not sure how long it will take me to save up but I am already excited to breathe in the remoteness, the stillness, and moments of being surrounded by peace.