Mr Hsg is going to drive me to London, drop me off at my daughters house and return back to the boat to spend Christmas with the cats! He struggles with Christmas, and says he feels ‘awkward’ celebrating in the company of my daughter (or friends). I understand how he feels as it is the same when I am with unfamiliar people. I miss being with my daughter, and Christmas for us is about cooking the dinner together, sitting eating and enjoying the day. We are close and I know that it is hard for others to break into that closeness, but it is important for the two of us to have every moment we enjoy together that we can. Mr Hsg and I have been together for nearly 4 years, my daughter and I, nearly 28 years…….
I have packed a bag, made a list of what I am taking and feeling both excited and guilty. Excited about spending Christmas with Claire who loves Christmas, and guilty for not worrying about not being with Mr Hsg who hates celebrating anything, especially Christmas! He obviously cares about me to understand that it is important for me to have these times with Claire.
Having made lots of Christmas Cards, I knew that at some point I would have to write out my own to send to my family. My dilemma is which card do I sent to who? Of course it should be such an easy thing to do as I like all of the cards I have made, but, I had this thought that different people would prefer different pictures and I had no idea what they would like. Does it matter? No of course not but I find making an informed decision a little harder than it used to be.
My sister sent me a text message on my phone asking my address to send a card to! Just like that, nothing warm or friendly about the message just what is my address. She is my sister for goodness sake, and at 62 has had enough years to at least follow where I am seeing as I have lived here in the marina for 2 years! I couldn’t help myself and answered that it is “the same as last year”.
I think I am losing Christmas in my head. I have no desire to celebrate it other than spend it in London with my daughter cooking dinner together and then sitting down and enjoying each others company. I no longer want to take part in the commercial side of the holiday season. I am beginning to believe that only gifts that are hand made should be exchanged, and that every person should give a real gift to some one or some cause that it would make a real difference to.
However, how do I tell my family who I have seen only twice in two years and who never contact me by phone or letter, that I no longer feel any connection other than by birth. I have no desire for presents or meaningless cards or letters that read like a 7 year old, an adult letter would be nice once in a while. I will have lived on my boat four years next May and not one person from my family has ever expressed a wish to visit me.
Oh my goodness it has been ages since I have last posted here. I will need to bring everything up to date as I remember it.
Well, we returned back to the marina at the beginning of September both feeling exhausted but satisfied with the trip. We both remarked how our dis-abilities made the activity of locking and boating harder this year than before.
Falling back into the routine of living in the marina was disturbingly seamless. With the boat always throwing up some maintenance conundrum, the first was the calorifier (hot water tank) splitting and leaking into the boat. The cupboard it was sitting in had to be taken apart to remove the tank, followed by a trip to various chandlers to buy a new tank plus an assortment of brass and plastic fittings to create a twisted maze of new pipework. New stop taps had to be put in, expansion tank, and the tank itself. The whole process took a week to complete with Mr Hsg trying to fold himself into the smallest spaces to complete the job. Thank goodness he is more than capable of DIY plumbing, carpentry, and electrical works, with some engineering. Canal boats are expensive creatures demanding money being thrown at them with distressing regularity. Following that he moved the water pump to sit underneath the kitchen units, to keep warmer in winter months so that it cuts down the delay of water flowing from the tap.
I have focused my photography and creating some cards. I made some cards showing various aspects of the marina and took them to the office to see if they were interested in buying them. Brilliant, they wanted them and more! So, now I have been supplying them with Christmas Cards of the marina, people love to see their boats on a card and they have quickly sold out.
I would love to find a way of selling them elsewhere but struggle with trying to sort it out. I thought about setting up a website but my computing experience and knowledge is disappearing and I have struggled to sort it out. I will have to look at ebay or Etsy if I can figure out the logistics of it all.
Update on my Alzheimer’s – I have finally in these past two weeks, seen my new consultant at Derby Royal Hospital and have begun Rivastigmene tablets. I can feel myself withdrawing from anything social a little. Its not that I want to, it’s almost like a fear of going out, and I have no idea why. I have to choose the books that I read a little more carefully as I have struggled to work out some of the story lines in some which is a bit of a pain because I do enjoy reading.
I must try and post more regularly to keep my motivation going.